Text that old friend: they'll value it more than you think (opens the source in a new tab)
- A 2022 study by Peggy Liu and colleagues found that people who messaged a friend they had not contacted recently underestimated how much it was appreciated, more so when the contact came as a surprise.
- A related 'liking gap' study from 2018 found people judge their conversation partners' enjoyment less positively than those partners report.
- Lara Aknin and Gillian Sandstrom found reluctance grows when old friends feel like strangers. In one experiment, 53% of people who first messaged current friends then contacted an old friend, against 31% of those who browsed social media.
- 53%
- contacted an old friend after a warm-up text
- 31%
- did so after browsing social media
Why it matters For readers spread across India and the US, friendships fade with time zones more than intent. The research says a short, imperfect message lands better than you fear.
Other side The studies cover everyday attempts to reconnect, not every lapsed friendship, and the warm-up helped some people, not all. Some silences have reasons.